Today was day 5 on the diet plan. I'm not starving, but hardly enjoying. I've thought many times in the past how it would be convenient to have "people" food. You know, like dog, cat, etc... You don't think about it much; it has the nutrients you need and keeps you from starving. Well, this is close to it... LOL!! It's not SOOOoooo bad... At least it doesn't have things I don't want or can't eat on it. If it works well, I'll keep doing it. I need to get healthy!!
We finally got to Kaysville to pick up the Gazelle! I really like it and think it is a good investment. We're going to look at a Bowflex Motivator next week. Hmmmm.... next... Wii Fit? I go so overboard when I set my mind on something!! Thank the mania side of the bi-polar disorder for THAT... At least my mania finally has a goal worthy of the time I'll put into it. I've tried to get it to go that direction MANY times. I wish I could aim it!! (My house would be clean & organized, I would be organized...) I have found that if I'm not focused on something through my mania, it frequently falls by the wayside and either doesn't get done or takes a LOT of stress and extra effort to accomplish. I have to RUN with it to keep it going so I can succeed again! I've been out of shape for 12 years!! (I had only been IN shape for about a year and a half before that; and obese for about 5 years prior to that.)
O_B_E_S_E: I HATE that word!!! I remember the first time it struck me that that is what I am... I was have a follow up appointment after having Ben. The dr walked out of the room for a moment and left the chart next to me. (I was about 35 lbs over weight then.) I glanced down at the chart and the word OBESE was written on the chart and underlined!! It hit me like a ton of bricks! After haveing Tiffany, at a size 9, I had someone ask, "Haven't you had that kid yet?" Yeah, they felt stupic when I pointed to the stroller by my side. She was about 2 months old. Then another appointment I was being checked in by a MALE nurse... as if standing on a scale in front of ANYONE wasn't hard enough!! He commented, "WOW! You hold your weight REALLY well, I'd have guessed you at about 20 lbs less. So, maybe that was supposed to be a compliment in a "guy" sort of way... but REALLY, we prefer to pretend that it's not as bad as it is and that no one else notices or pays attention to it.
Denial... Oh Yeah! I'm REALLY good at that!! How many obese people have dreamed that they went to the doctor and were told there was a tumor the size of a watermelon and weighs 60 lbs? They'll remove it and you're instantly in SHAPE!! How COOL would THAT be? The dress I'm wearing in the collage below was supposed to be flattering. Looking down, I thought it was nice... I felt better in it.... Helloooooo..... NOTHING is flattering... Look at me!!
This is now on my desktop to remind and disgust me every time I see it so I stick to my plan to get back into shape! (Yes, I KNOW ROUND is a shape... but I really don't want to be THAT shape for the rest of my life...) Looking at these makes me realize why I always hide behind people in photos and avoid full length shots at ALL cost...
Yeah!! Even this shows I'm a woman of MANY CHINS!!
NOT PRETTY!!
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